tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC June 6, 2013 11:35pm-12:36am PDT
>> thank you. so this is the audience i've been hearing so much about. we have a lot going on tonight. it is our second show of the evening. academy award nominee jonah hill is here with us tonight. plus we have musical comedy all-star team, the lonely island with alanis morisette tonight. and the winner of the scripps national spelling bearvin bearvind mahankali. here is arvind beating all other spellers on espn. >> knaidel. k-n-a-i-d-e-l, knaidel.
>> you see, he's pretty fired up. when did spelling bees start using confetti cannons? they need cheerleaders or something. arvind has been conserving his energy because he will face me in a spelling bee. i will beat him, steal his trophy and tickle him. another big winner, the bigger of the biggest power ball in history came forward. an 84-year-old woman from florida won $590 million. right now she's down at the
bingo hall making it rain. she showed up yesterday to claim her prize. she decided to take the lump sum of $370 million which would come out to $270 million after taxes. so she better not send her grand kids birthday kwards with checks for $5 anymore. she stopped briefly to talk to reports who crowded outside florida lottery headquarters. >> i am grateful to the state of florida and the community of zephyr hills. thank you for respecting my privacy during this exciting time. and god bless. >> sayonara, bitches. >> jimmy: and away she flew.
we're getting here to the end of the graduation season and start of the summer vacation. graduation ceremonies, they can be poignant, entertaining or they can be relentlessly unpleasant. a lot of it depends on the commencement speaker. sometimes you get an author or scientists, some kind of luminary. occasionally you get a celebrity. tonight for those graduates who did not get a celebrity commencement address, and there are many of them, we asked a very well known actor to give one for those who went without. i hope you'll find his words, whether you're a graduate or not, both inspiring or uplifting. >> so please join me in honoring this year's commencement speaker, dr. gary bucci. -- busey. >> thank you. here are the answers to all of life's questions. question one, how do you find
your passion? with your left hand. where in the heck to sea horses come from and do you think a fish actually humped a horse? text me if you know the answer. when i was 14 years old, i was with my uncle buddy down in big town, texas. and he had three sows that weighed 500 pounds a piece. i was to feed the sows in the droft and there was a billy goat named charlie. he would get up on his back legs and run with his bibber sticking out and my motto was gary, don't let the goat penetrate the women. and i learned a lot from that job and i still use it today. >> jimmy: thank you, gargary, o behalf of everyone. not only do we have gary busey and the spelling bee, sandy san
samberg and his cohorts have something in store for us. where is andy? how are you doing? well, it is wonderful to have you here. >> thank you, jimbo, i appreciate it. >> jimmy: just jim is fine. >> sorry, my bad. i know you're paying tribute to the institution of spelling tonight and i think that's great. you know, i think spelling is important, especially in today's world of text and twitter, you know, there's so many emoticons and emojis and emotium a.d.s or abbreves, as you like to say. >> jimmy: i don't really say that. >> spelling matters. so my fake rap band wrote a song
called "spell it out. >> jimmy: it's about spelling? >> it involves spelling. we hope educators can use this to help stupid kids or something. >> jimmy: let's take a look. ♪ yo it's the lonely island we got my man yorm cheese in the house ♪ ♪ and me you know who the "f" i am if not let me spell it out. d-ud-e d-ud-e-t-h-a-m-o-n-ey-a-s-d-i-dg -h-t-g-u-s-t-o-n-c-s-h-h-i-n-t-i
-n-t- -n-t-o-n-l-y m-a-y-e-s lenny ♪ >> jimmy: after the first 1,000 letters i lost track of what you were spelling but i think that's great. >> i think that's probably for the best. >> jimmy: andy samberg, everyone. he'll be back later in the show. all right, it's thursday night. it means it's time for our weekly tribute to the fcc where we bleep and blur things whether they need it or not. it's this week in "unnecessary censorship." >> good morning, everyone. we begin with a bleep at the white house this morning. >> we now know sometimes big grown men want to [ bleep ] each other. i tell you one thing, yeah, we're going to [ bleep ] that
tonight. yeah. >> oh, i want to [ bleep ] so bad. >> nobody ever told me, you know, that [ bleep ] in the face by a llama and trampled by one. >> the troubles of the [ bleep ] extraordinary women. >> [ bleep ] tomorrow night. >> i think i'm going to [ bleep ] my son until he goes to college. >> i can still feel his [ bleep ] penetrating my [ bleep ]. >> we've been that core for a long time. and we [ bleep ] each other. >> new anchor from 4:30 to 7:30. >> i think we should [ bleep ] him at 9:00. let's see what he can do. bring in 15 hot dogs. >> dustin? [ bleep ] and geese. >> what's the matter, seal? arrr, we have to [ bleep ] him.
when we come back, the spelling bechampi bechampion, and lonely island. stick around. [ baby babbling ] whoo! hey there, guys! can i grant you any wishes today? well, i wish i knew what my little guy was saying. easy! come on, guys -- i can totally read that giant navigation screen. you're just driving around in circles until i fall asleep. well, i have a surprise that will get us home pretty quick. [ sniffs ] [ coughs ] crack a window...please. gladly. [ male announcer ] the all-new rav4. toyota. let's go places.
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called "the guardian" is reporting that the national security agency, the nsa here in the united states obtained a secret court order that forces verizon to hand over phone records for millions of their customers who made calls between the months of april and july. they know who called and when if you're a verizon customer. i was totally against this until i got an anonymous call reminding me it was my dad's birthday. but the obama administration has nonconfirmed the court order dpis exists but a senior official sate i had would only be used to collect data on terrorism. so the answer is, yes, they can hear you now. kind of scary, right? don't think of it as the nsa spying on you. try to think of them as part of your family plan. a few weeks ago, we premiered a new show here that stars my 3-year-old wesley. for some reason, wesley has had
a lot of trouble finding love. he never had a long-term girlfriend. we gave him a reality dating show. the first two episodes were big hits. we got together and decided to shoot a third. here it is, the journey continues with episode three of "the baby bachelor." >> first came "the bachelor" then "the bachelorette." and now -- >> hi. i'm wesley, the baby bachelor. >> last time on "the baby bachelor." wesley narrowed the field. >> will you accept this dinosaur? >> and accusations flew. >> jesse is bad for wesley. >> there was stella, afraid of commitment. frankie who's mostly there to party. >> let's party. >> chloe, who had a major substance problem. ashley, the dental hygienist who treated wesley like a child.
♪ twimnkle twinkle little star ♪ >> wesley is like a little billy joel. >> tonight, wesley takes the remaining girls on intimate dates starting with lunchables and whole milk with gabrielle. >> hi. i like these crackers. so tell me about yourself. >> i have something to tell you. >> tell me. it's okay. >> it's very important. i have a baby. >> what? >> she's my whole world. >> i'm not ready for this.
>> do you want to meet her? >> this is baby. i love her so much. i hope you understand. >> it's okay. i have a monkey. >> wesley is going to be a good dad to my baby. >> jimmy: after an emotional dinner with gabrielle, wesley takes jessie on a passionate date to the fantasy ball pit. >> i love you wesley. he's falling for it. ♪ every time i stop and think all a girl can be ♪ ♪ meeting a boy like you ♪ like you >> we had a date in the ball pit. >> he's all mine.
>> wesley, today you had two very romantic one-on-one dates. your chemistry with jesse is undeniable. >> jesse is a special girl. >>. >> jimmy: and what about gabrielle. she has a baby. are you ready for that? >> jimmy, i'm not ready for kids. >> jimmy: i think that's brave of you to say. >> i have something else to say. >> jimmy: what's that? >> pfffftt. >> jimmy: coming up on "the baby bachelor" wesley traveling to meet the girls' families. >> you have another girl, that's bad. >> will jesse's sister draw a wedge between them snf. >> this is the hardest decision of my life.
>> jimmy: coming up, the spelli spelling bee champion. we'll be right back with jonah hill from the movies. >> portions of jimmy kimmel live are brought to you by the int n internship. to follow the journey, go to millerti millerti millertimeinternship.com. colors become richer. details become clearer. which for a filmmaker, changes everything.
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>> jimmy: tonight on the program, i've invited the winner of this year's scripps national spelling bee here once again to face me in the 10th annual jimmy kimmel live spelling bee. 13-year-old arvind mahankali is here. and then their very funny new cd "the wack album" comes out wednesday, the lonely island. that's andy samberg, akiva schaeffer, and jorma taccone are here with special guest alanis morissette from the sony stage. [ applause ] >> jimmy: on sunday night don't forget our jimmy kimmel live game night special before game 2 of the nba finals. our guest will be seth rogen, two year old trick shot titus who defeated shaquille o'neal earlier tonight will shoot against the great kobe bryant
and a special nba edition of mean tweets. that airs before game 2 in the eastern and central time zones, and after the game on the west coast. our first guest tonight is an oscar-nominated actor whom you know from "moneyball," "superbad" and "21 jump street," among others. you can see him as a diamond earring-studded version of himself in the very funny new movie "this is the end." it opens in theaters wednesday, please welcome jonah hill. ♪ [ applause ] . >> hi, guys. >> jimmy: how you doing? you look tan. you look like you've been vacationing. >> i just got back from a bachelor party in mexico. >> jimmy: oh, boy. >> i'm alive. >> jimmy: who was it? >> one of my buddy's, fox.
i got a tan and they've been calling me tan mom because i look ridiculous. >> was it darker then? >> it was a little darker and i drank some of the tan out. how is everything going? >> everything is good. your mom is here with you tonight? why did she come with you? >> because she loves me, i think. she was on set with me all the time because she was excited to see what i would does. she just was there all the time. it was great. >> jimmy: oh, it was. would you be willing to submit to a polygraph test? >> we don't have to go crazy. but she was, like, the set no, ma'am. she would get everyone gifts and stuff. she's so sweet. and james franco was the other actor in the movie. one day i see her go up to james
franco. she has a chocolate thing on a stick. i go over to listen and she said you were the wizard of oz so i got you a chocolate wizard. and james franco is just like, mom, you want to not hit james franco with a chocolate wizard, please. >> jimmy: did he appreciate the sentiment? >> he came to me the next day and said i ate the wizard, it was good. >> jimmy: does your mom get involved in your dating and love life? >> i think she just wants me to meet a nice girl. in fact, i met a nice girl. i'm single and i met a nice girl own an airplane a while ago. and it was this amazing thing. i'm a romantic. i'm holding your pen. i really was like, she's beautiful, she's my age. she's smart, charming. we're getting along great. she's laughing at my jokes. oh, my gosh, this is how i meet my wife. it's incredible. i was so romantic about it.
i'm doing well. i'm going to go use the restroom, i'll be right back. all confident and stuff. i go over and there's a guy in the restroom. there's someone in the restroom. so i'm waiting out there for, like, ten minutes and she can't see that i'm waiting, you know? so finally the guy leaves after, like, ten minute and he opens the door and gives me that ashamed look like i'm really sorry, you know. you're about to experience something really unplez sapasanu know? it was a bummer. it smelled like someone had passed away in the bathroom. i go man, that's crazy. i hold my breath and i pee. then i open the door to leave and she's waiting for the bathroom, yeah. and she's all smiling and everything like, oh, hey, there's the guy i was talking to. and i see her face like as we scoot by. i'm trying to be like listen, you know, it -- she scoots by and is like what?
what? oh. and she just slams the door shut. and i'm back at the seat like what do i say to this person. she comes back and i'm like listen, you know, it's -- she just stopped me and said it's okay, it's fine. >> jimmy: oh, no! >> we didn't speak for the rest of the flight. >> jimmy: oh, no. now this is even more of that kind of, you wind up married story. i mean really. >> some guy hit baja fresh too hard and it ruined my marriage. that's a bummer. but if you're watching this, i love you and i didn't bomb the bathroom. >> jimmy: she didn't know it was you, right? >> maybe, i don't know. >> jimmy: if this does happen, i would like to be in your bachelor party in mexico to celebrate. jonah hill is with us when we come back.
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>> you fool. >> the power of christ compels you. >> oh, does it? does it compel me? >> the power of christ compels you. >> does it? >> the power of christ compels you. >> is that's what's happening? >> the power of christ compels you. >> guess what? it's not that compelling. >> jimmy: i love that movie. i thought it was hilarious. >> you know, seth rogan and goldberg wrote and direct the movie. it's the first movie they directed. i'm so proud of them. they asked us all to play ourself, but really douchy versions of ourselves. >> jimmy: you play yourselves in the movie. >> i play jonah hill, but the d d douchiest possible version.
i had a part in "django unchained" at the time. i went to the cast of "django." i was thinking about starting that film. jamie foxx was at the dinner. he had a big diamond earring in. i thought that looked so cool on jamie, but that would look so stupid on me. and i was walking home for dinner and i said that would kind of be awesome. i said hey, guys, can i wear a huge diamond earring the whole movie and no one mention it the whole time? and they were like, yeah, sure. a huge diamond earring and no one talks about it. >> jimmy: did you get it pierced? or is it a magnet? >> it's a magnet. i got it at claire's in the ball. i don't want anything too flashy. >> jimmy: you guys really -- not only are you -- you're insulting each other in the movie, like your real life personas in a way. >> everyone was super mean to each other the whole time. and it's like, you're making fun of your friends.
like james franco is, seth, danny mcbride, we're all friends but we're all really making fun of each other in our careers quite a bit and the bad movies we've done. because we're all laughing during the scene and you see it's really just five really insecure actors. because i would constantly go up to people and say you don't really think about about me, right? >> jimmy: what is the worst thing someone said to someone else? >> i can't remember. it was just demolishing each other's failures. when one of us had a movie that many people didn't like or didn't do well, just be prepared that it was -- you were getting taken down on a daily basis. >> jimmy: channing tatum is in the movie. he has a great part in the movie. >> yeah, channing is in the movie for a surprise. >> jimmy: are you going to make another "21 jump street." >> yeah, we are. we're going to make "22 jump street." >> jimmy: i highly recommend this movie it's called "this is the end." jonah hill, everybody.
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>> jimmy: every june on this show, we have a tradition. i invite the winner of the scripps national school spelling bee to come to l.a. not to congratulate them for their achievements but instead, to conquer them. when i was a lad, i won the kenny guinn junior high school spelling bee in both the 7th and 8th grade. suffice it to say, i am a spelling force to be feared and with that said, it's time for the 10th annual jimmy kimmel live spelling bee! let's welcome this year's national spelling bee champion, from new york city he is 13 years old arvind mahankali! you seemed very excited when you won. what would have to happen for you to actually jump up and down?
how many people did you beat? >> 282 children. >> jimmy: i'm not a children. i'm a man. >> so what you're saying is that you will defeat me? >> jimmy: exactly. he's good with algebra, too. all right. let's meet our panel. our moderator tonight. jonah hill is with us tonight. and as always, our expert word pro-nunoun pronounceiator, the parking lot attendant himself, guillermo. are you ready to read the words. >> ready, jimmy. >> jimmy: i hand baton control of the show over to you. >> thanks, jimmy. our first contest assistant from bayside, arvind mahankali.
>> jigsaw. >> do you have any questions about the word, arvind. >> jimmy: do you want to know the origin of the word? >> yes. >> latino. >> jimmy: not the reader of the word. what is the definition of word. >> it is a word from the dictionary. >> may i have it in a sentence. >> guillermo just saved the word, jigsaw. >> so this is from latino, like latin. >> spell the [ bleep ] word!
j -- >> you got it buddy. >> e. >> all you have is two letters? >> you take a seat right here. >> what was the word? >> the word was jigsaw, of course. jigsaw. guillermo, give jimmy his first word. >> jimmy: can you give me a definition, please? >> this is a difficult word to pronounce. >> ska-dead-lay? e-s-c- --
>> jimmy: i bet you get a lot of wedgies, don't you? could you repeat the word? >> jimmy: totalbred. >> can you use it in a sentence, please? >> i like to watch the total bread. >> jimmy: can jonah pronounce it for me, please? >> am i allowed to do that? >> it's pronounced toro bre. t-h-r-o-u-g-h-b-r-e-d. >> let's go one more round. guillermo, what's the word.
kintensial. >> do you mean quintessential? >> can you use it in a sentence? never mind. >> could you repeat the word, please? >> i thought you got it. kintensensial. >> may i have the definition? >> oh, come on. you know what it is. >> i cannot pronounce the word kint kintensial. >> can i have the country of origin, please? >> mexico city. >> don't help him. you were in mexico last week. >> i won't.
q-u-i-n-t-e-s-s-e-n-t-i-a-l. >> all right, it's a tie. >> stay alive. >> and you're allowed to look at your hand for the answer. >> ikaboodies. >> jimmy: the hell with it, just give him the trophy. we have a special presentation for you. arvind, we have a trophy for you. yes, put that right there for jonah. our friends at sony have given
you, what? look at how muscular. what has sony given him? >> the expirio tablet z. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with the loannley island and alanis 2 morissette. >> hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. to celebrate the release of the movie "the internship" four very lucky guys won the chance to cover the red carpet premier here in hollywood with some expert help from my cousin sal. i'm very proud of the mediocre job you've done so far. i'm sending you to hollywood for the red carpet premier of "the
internship." you guys hear me in your ear pieces? >> we hear you, sir. >> let's do it. don't screw it up up. >> did the movie stay true to the book? it did, right? >> what's next for you? >> this is it. i'm retiring tonight. >> say something stupid like is your dad a baker because you're a kutie pie. >> do you want to go on a date? >> vince vaughn. ask him what was it like working with meryl streep in this film. >> meryl is fantastic. the passion she brought to each scene. she's very funny. a lot of people don't give her credit for it. stop it, give her the credit. >> what are the headphones for? >> hearing aid. >> you all listening to the same mix tape? or is someone feeding you
questions? >> sal, you're better than this. >> you're not better than this. >> these are not your hand pull pets. these are their own men. four proud interns that came together and had an experience that changed them forever. >> absolutely. exactly. we don't need you, sal. >> fine. >> we just need the best sal. gentlemen, here's your dirty ear piece, clean it out. well played. >> see you later, vince. >> goodness. >> thank you. >> thanks for nothing, sal. >> see "the internship" in theatres june 7.
>> jimmy: their latest cd, "the wack album" comes out on tuesday here with the song "semicolon" and some help from alanis morissette, the lonely island. ♪ ♪ okay everyone welcome to grammar class today we're learning about semicolons ♪ ♪ oh oh oh yes lonely island we use semicolons everyday ♪ ♪ can you give me an example oh hell yeah ♪ ♪ get ready for a whale of a time shamu my whole team coming clean shampoo ♪ ♪ these dudes is comic relief whoopie and i'm the --monster
cookie ♪ ♪ when you see me better cross the street frogger then go home and write about it blogger ♪ ♪ did i do that urkel yo angela who's the boss merkel ♪ ♪ i'll take you where you've never been oxnard ♪ ♪ if miss moore married josh demi brolin a comma and a dot semicolon ♪ ♪ we run these streets stop lights all eyes on me spot lights ♪ ♪ each semicolon brings us closer to the top i'm loud and i'm zipping around ♪ ♪ jet ski your -- is little like wayne
gretsky ♪ but gretsky's got a big -- clarification everyone who's rude to me paris vacation ♪ ♪ my stomach's getting fat food leave trash inside my car rude ♪ ♪ you're acting all machio ralph but i'll eat all you cats alf ♪ ♪ we run the game umpire always chase the night young squire ♪ ♪ these semicolons are my light inside the dark ♪ ♪ it's right under your nose semicolon mouth ♪ ♪ opposite of north semicolon south ♪ >> i'm so sorry. these are actually not examples of semicolons. >> most of them are colons, technicalically grammatically incorrect. >> so you're correcting our g m gramm grammar? >> yeah. >> okay, well i've got to say alanis coming from you, that's a little ironic.